cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
