Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
