I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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