Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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