i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
