you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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