It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
