I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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