I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
