apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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