i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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