Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
