I love black thongs
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
