Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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