we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
