This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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