My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
