I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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