The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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