sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
