Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
