You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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