my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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