No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
