I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?