i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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