Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

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  (417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times. http://tfl.nu/xlrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1443) Bad night (541)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  this beer tastes like vomit already

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  (352): this beer tastes like vomit already http://tfl.nu/3gdg
  Replies (11) Good night (686) Bad night (3348)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?

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  (570): does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid? http://tfl.nu/ldlo
  Replies (28) Good night (789) Bad night (4838)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

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  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (26230) Bad night (1526)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'

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  (224): It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat' http://tfl.nu/0g9k
  Replies (12) Good night (1527) Bad night (4025)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

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  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (6079) Bad night (1469)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.

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  (910): shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose. http://tfl.nu/5ocp
  Replies (2) Good night (1538) Bad night (2433)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering

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  (610): They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering http://tfl.nu/lidm
  Replies (9) Good night (3478) Bad night (1085)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

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  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
  Replies (23) Good night (5139) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.

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  (616): Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry. http://tfl.nu/rf2y
  Replies (7) Good night (1599) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

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  (615): I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza. http://tfl.nu/b1m9
  Replies (0) Good night (904) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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  (585): He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants http://tfl.nu/sshj
  Replies (7) Good night (742) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him

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  (979): I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him http://tfl.nu/6x5z
  Replies (4) Good night (639) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home

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  (513): and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home http://tfl.nu/u8sr
  Replies (1) Good night (393) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.

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  (313): I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/juh5
  Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (192)

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