Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there's paper in my vomit.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
