I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
