Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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