I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
