I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
