The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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