If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
