but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize