take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
