when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
