I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
