this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
