I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
