I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
