In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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