that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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