he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
