Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
