he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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