Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
