I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
