One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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