Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
