All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
