M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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