I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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