It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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