I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
