I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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