the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had sex on a dog bed..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
