i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
