So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
