Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
