Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
