I need to stop coming to work sober
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You took a bar mat shot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
