New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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