I heard we made out
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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