My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
