He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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