watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will pee on everything he values.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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