I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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