I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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