good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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