He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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