never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
