Just fell off a train. Bad.
Small penises have feelings too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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